Along with text language, acronyms have potential to really hurt your CV and job application!

Just because you know what BISGJ is, does not mean that a Recruiter does. Yes, the Line Manager for the position will know. However your job application may have to go through a computerised screening system or a Recruiter, before it gets to the Line Manager and if they don’t understand the acronym, then your CV may be lost in the pile.

Never assume that a Recruiter will know what it means or knows how to do your job, that’s why they need you. Besides if they knew how to do your job then they would just place themselves!

The only time acronyms are acceptable in a CV is if you see them the job advert! If you really want to use one then please put in the description as well as the acronym!

Don’t eat bubble gum during an interview!

Yes I know this sounds basic but unfortunately it still happens and as my Hiring Manager screamed

“I could not believe it! He looked like a cow, blowing and popping like he was in a Bubbaloo competition!”

Unfortunately the only thing this Hiring Manager could tell me about this Candidate was his ability to blow bubbles. She found it so detracting that she could not concentrate on a word that the Candidate was saying!

I refuse your refusal!

The following was emailed to me and even though I am pretty sure it will never work, I do give the writer 10/10 for his positive attitude!

Dear Sir / Madam

Thank you for your letter of 4 September. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an usually large number of rejection letters, with such a varied and promising field for me to accept all refusals.

Despite your company’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time.

Therefore I will start to work with your company on Monday 18 September at 8:30 am. I look forward to seeing you then.

Kind regards

John

You know you have it wrong when the Recruiter says...

“What position are you currently in?”

And you say...

Is it an interview or a Gynaecologist?

Not only are you wasting company time and money by using your work email address to find a new job, you are also taking a risk that one day your Manager  may say to you; “Why did you say that you are going to see a Gynaecologist on Monday when you are actually going for an interview?” (True story)

Besides worst case scenario, you get to your new job and it is not as great as you thought it would be and now you have to start your whole job search from scratch, just because you do not have access to your old email address.

It is so easy to open up a Hotmail/Gmail/Yahoo account, however keep it professional no Ihaveasexybum@gmail.com or hotman@hotmail.com !

Don’t dance on your boss’s desk!

Congratulations you have signed and submitted your Offer of Employment and now you need to resign!

Before you go and dance on your boss’s desk and tell him “how horrid he was to work for” bear in mind that a bad boss today could be a bad reference tomorrow!

Human nature says that people will always remember the last thing that you did and years of hard work are quickly forgotten, if you leave on a bad note or burn bridges! Always resign gracefully as you never know when you will need them again!

When are Recruiters allowed to do references?

A Recruiter is only allowed to do a reference on you if you have given permission. But be warned if it’s on your CV then technically speaking permission has been given and they may phone before your interview and before your chance to explain your situation! Recruiters usually won’t want to speak to your current employer (and jeopardise your current employment in any way) but be warned they will phone the company and without saying who they are ask to speak to you, just to ensure that you are still employed there!

There are very few situations where a Recruiter will do a reference, with a family member, colleague or teacher especially if you have work experience. Ideally they will want two good references with your manager or above. Even if they phone your Referee on a cell phone a good Recruiter will always phone the company to confirm with a third party that your referee was in fact a manager at that company! (You would be surprised how many times I have caught candidates out with that one!)

When it comes to references you always have to ask yourself; has your referee agreed to vouch for you and can you guarantee that they will only say nice things about you? Keep in contact with them, send Christmas and birthday messages every year and if you think a Recruiter is about to phone, then give them a call to say hi and enquire if they will still vouch for you.  It is not a guarantee but there is less chance of them saying horrible things about you if you have just spoken to them. You have also just created an opportunity to remind  them how fantastic you were and what your achievements were when you worked with them!

I am convinced my Manager was a psychopath!

The reality of the situation is that in life you get good Recruiters and you get bad Recruiters! A bad Recruiter will accept your “I left my last job for greener pastures!” and move on with the rest of the interview. However it will only take a good Recruiter a few more questions around the subject before you say something like. “But I am convinced my Manager was a psychopath!” (oh no did I say that out loud?)

Don’t panic I also worked for that person and you would be surprised how many people leave managers and not companies! However calling your former boss a psychopath, does not necessarily inspire another manager to offer you a new job!

Good Recruiters know this and they are not as worried about the personality clash, as much did the manager give you hell, because you were not doing what you were being paid to do? Was the Manager the problem or were you the problem and now you are trying to blame them? Are you difficult to manage? Who was actually impossible to work with?

Starting off the topic with a lie is always a risk (as you never know which Recruiter you will get).  When I go for an interview I am always upfront and explain my situation. Without becoming personal or insulting, I explain how after exploring every single opportunity to sort it out, I was eventually left with no option but to leave, without throwing my toys! Sometimes it’s not what you say vs. how you say it!

If it was you, how would you say it?

The Receptionist or Gate Keeper

Although they won’t actually be interviewing you or have the right qualifications to assess you, the Receptionist / Gate Keeper who assisted at the beginning of an interview, will have an opinion on if you should be hired.

They are generally not shy to tell a Recruiter about any and all behavior in a reception area. So don’t overlook or underestimate the power that they have when they announce that you have arrived.

One sarcastic “OMG! Wait until you see what has arrived for you!” or “I told him that my pot plant was not the right place to go to the toilet!” (true story) or “He is demanding to see you immediately!” can quiet easily set the tone to a very bad interview which is very hard to recover from!

  

Job Description - PARENT

I don’t know where this comes from but I found it very amusing, so I had to share! If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any one would have done it!!!!

POSITION TITLE:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

·       Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

·       Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

·       Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities!

·       Travel expenses not reimbursed.       

·       Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

·         The rest of your life.

·         Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs R50.00.

·         Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

·        Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

·       Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

·       Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

·       Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

·       Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, and a total embarrassment the next.

·       Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

·       Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

·       Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

·       Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

·         None.

(Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you)

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

·         None required unfortunately.

·         On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this!   You pay them!

·         Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

·        A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

·         When you die, you give them whatever is left.

·        The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

 BENEFITS :

·       While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

RETIREMENT:

·         "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT  --  EVER!!

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do... or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

“Who is the Federation of African Professional Staffing Organisations?”

A candidate has just asked me: “Who is the Federation of African Professional Staffing Organisations?”

It's APSO!

Although they are keeping the APSO Acronym they have changed their name and have a fantastic new logo!

But at the end of the day they are still the same hardworking people who regulate the Labour Recruitment industry in South Africa. Amongst other things they provide training and development to Recruitment Agencies, keep us informed of all new developments and in a nut shell they try to ensure that we (Recruitment Agencies, Employers and Candidates) all play fair in the game of Recruitment!

http://www.apso.co.za